I often write about unconditional love. This is the love found at the core of our being, the love of all creation. Yet in this day and age many people are so detached from this love, they would deny its very existence. This is one reason it’s difficult to recognize this love in the world around us.

The interesting thing about humans is many want to see physical proof before they will believe anything exists. Even then there will be those who’ll doubt the validity of the evidence.

Yet there may be something to their doubt. Most love we experience in life is conditional. Meaning, there are conditions attached to the love we give or receive from others. Your partner may love you, but they may withhold love as punishment when you miss a birthday, anniversary, or anger them.

Looking back at our childhood, we realize we have been taught conditional love from a young age.  As long as we behaved a certain way, our parents showered us with love, especially when we were in public. If we misbehaved we were sent to our room as punishment. Feeling unloved and confused we withdrew into our own world.

As adults we carry this learned behavior forward into our everyday lives. We withhold love from those who express a different point of view than ours. Or we deny our love because of a simple misunderstanding that could easily be cleared up, but are too upset to do so.

It may be painful when we reflect on our behavior honestly to see how often we love conditionally. Do we love this way because we see it as a way to control others? Our thinking may be, if they behave in a way that pleases us we will love them like never before.

If we look closer we may notice how we fluctuate between unconditional love and conditional love as a way to manipulate those around us. Unconditional love for a job well done, conditional love when things don’t work out in our favor.

Through all this back and forth, we may never realize that unconditional love is who we are beneath everything we ever knew about ourselves. This means that unconditional love is the foundation of who we are. If we are aware of this love then it’s possible to live by this love. But if we are unaware of this eternal source of unconditional love we use love as a way to control those around us.

The challenge becomes one of uncovering this love within ourselves. It begins with learning to love ourselves unconditionally. This may not be easy because when we look in the mirror we often see our faults and shortcomings. Never realizing we are perfect in every way. Yet this isn’t a love to bolster our ego. In truth this is a love that destroys the façade our fragile ego has created to protect us from the pain we suffer at the hands of those who love us conditionally.

As we learn to love ourselves unconditionally, we notice we no longer need to withhold love from others as a way to control their behavior or punish them. We love ourselves enough to understand that their actions are because they are separated from their own source of unconditional self-love.

Loving others unconditionally is not giving them a free pass to behave poorly. It’s realizing that their actions are a result of the inner struggles they are facing. Yet we may also be dealing with challenges we choose to keep to ourselves.

Through the unconditional love found deep within the core of our being, we decide that we have no reason to use our inner challenges as a battering ram to force people to love us. We recognize our struggles as opportunities to learn how to be more kind, compassionate, and loving. By loving ourselves we can share our love with those who use their suffering as a way to harm others.

When we move into a life guided by unconditional love we find we no longer have the need to judge those around us. We accept that based on the love they have for themselves, and the challenges they have faced they are doing the best they can. This is not an excuse for bad behavior. If they were living a life founded on unconditional self-love their actions would align with this love.

The easiest way to recognize unconditional love in others or ourselves is to notice how we treat those who can do nothing for us. Are we patient, understanding, and accepting? Or are we rude, intolerant, and overtly judgmental? Any negative behavior is a sign of a lack of awareness of unconditional love. Once we know the difference between unconditional love and conditional love, it will be easy to notice as we go about our day.

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Is it  possible to recognize if our love is conditional or unconditional? Let me know what you think. Leave a comment below, I’m always interested in hearing your point of view.

I’d like to thank those who came out to the Healing Faire in Sierra Vista on May 17th. It was great to meet so many like-minded people, reminding me that we are never alone on our journey through life.

If you would like to follow me on Blue Sky Social here is the link,

https://bsky.app/profile/paul-hudon.bsky.social

Thank you for being a part of this wonderful adventure called life, I appreciate your company.

Peace and well-being, Paul

Copyright Paul Hudon 2025