It is said, we will experience the same types of situations until we learn the lessons needed to move forward emotionally. This may be hard to accept, but how often do the same kinds of people keep appearing in our lives, or different events having similar endings?

At first we may think we’re just jinxed, or we have bad luck choosing friends or jobs. What if we took a step back with the intention of searching for the messages these experiences are trying to teach us? Are we brave enough to take an honest look with the intention of discovering these lesson, no matter how painful they may be?

I remember connecting the dots realizing the root cause of an unhealthy, emotional pattern. I wanted to be accepted by others so badly, I was willing to throw myself under the bus for them. I’d put up with all kinds of negativity, sacrifice my dreams then pray that at some point I would feel their approval.

If I didn’t get the emotional boost I was hoping for, I would go even further, believing that more sacrifice would deliver what I was seeking. The entire time I behaved this way I became more and more angry with myself. Why wasn’t I speaking up for myself, and expressing my feelings?

The answer is because at some level I believed there was a possibility of them seeing me for who I was, thereby showing me the acceptance I had long sought. When this didn’t happen, I would leave the relationship, sometimes quietly, other times, well, not my best moments.

Then came the day I was reviewing these failed relationships, replaying how they ended. I realized I didn’t love myself enough to speak up for myself, that was my repeating pattern. No one in these relationships knew how I was feeling. Nor did I have the self-love to defend myself from their negative attacks toward me.

This was a shock to me, but an important lesson. But the lessons didn’t end there. I began to understand that I didn’t love myself enough to express myself in a way that others understood. I was too afraid to express myself at all. I would do just about anything so I could feel as if I was worthy of someone else’s acceptance.

Once I arrived at this place of clarity, I could recognize the repeating patterns that had controlled my life, while making me miserable. I needed to learn to love myself more, accept my own acceptance, and stop sacrificing the truth of who I was just to please others.

It’s not easy looking into the mirror that is always reflecting back to us our unhealthy patterns. Although if we love ourselves enough we will realize that a few moments of self-reflection can free us from a lifetime of unhealthy behavioral patterns.

By choosing to look within ourselves, we find the strength to heal from our negative behavior. Yet we are also going to discover our own self-love. By loving ourselves enough we will no longer have to behave in a way that degrades us, or places our emotional needs aside for the approval of others. We love ourselves enough so no matter what others say or do, we will be just fine.

When I understood the cause of my behavior, I could notice it returning when I met someone new. I wanted them to like me, so I would fall into the old pattern. Yet I recognized the pattern before I ever said a word or took any action. This awareness kept me from going through all that heavy emotional baggage when we choose to seek the approval of others before we look within ourselves for our own self-love.

It may be a challenge to review our behavior. Yet  if we become aware of similar situations that don’t work out well for us, it may be worth examining the experiences to see if we have fallen into repeating behavioral patterns. If so, we can learn the lessons needed to move forward in a positive, self-loving direction.

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Are we courageous enough to step back to recognize the patterns that limit the way we walk through life? Let me know what you think. Leave a comment below, I’m always interested in reading your point of view.

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Thank you for being a part of this wonderful adventure called life, I appreciate your company.

Peace and well-being, Paul

Copyright Paul Hudon 2026